


Am I Forgiven?

by DirtyLilGreaseMonkey



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-03-31 17:53:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3987346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey/pseuds/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron has finally found a new release.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Pub

**Author's Note:**

> This story is from Aarons POV after Robert decided to go back to Chrissie.
> 
> Please let me know if you want me to carry on, I am not entirely sure where the story is going but it may be something I can revisit. 
> 
> This is my first POV story so feedback is greatly appreciated :)

It was the only release I had these days, the thud of the bass coursing through my veins, the all-consuming sound that rattles your breastbone, heavy, loud just how I like it.

I was stood in the middle of the crowd and it felt like home, the music washing away all the troubles of the day.  
And the memory of him

I couldn't get him out of my head, but with the band this loud there wasn't much room for anything else. I had no idea what the singer was saying but I didn't care, the room was pulsating with the bass and with a pint in hand I finally felt myself relax for what felt like the first time in weeks.

It's the secrets and the lies that I can't cope with. And the fact that he left and went back to her, even after he asked me to run away with him.

As I'm supping my second pint I come to realise that all that is over, we are over. Yes I'll miss him like hell but I'm glad that the lying and sneaking around can finally end, I might even be able to move on. 

And that's when I felt it, a hand on my waist. I was just about to tell whoever it was to ‘do one’ but when I turned round it was him,

"What the hell are you doing here?" I scream over the music.

His answer was just to continue wrapping his arms around me.

I don’t want this, not here, this was my place, to be who I was before him, but he has to invade this part of my life too, so I unwrap his arms from around me and look him directly in the eye and shout,

"Just leave me alone ok"

I turn my attention back to the stage, but I can still feel him there, stood lingering behind me. I can feel his breath on the back of my neck, feel the constant stream of electricity between us, can feel the blush creeping across my face, how the hell did he find me? I don't remember telling him about this place. 

After what seems like hours but I’m sure is only a few minutes he’s still there so close I can feel his breath on my neck. I know that if I turn around I will give in, I’ll do whatever he wants me to do because being this near him is the first time I’ve felt alive in weeks. Reluctantly, I turn to face him again this time it's like I've succumbed to his power, I start to bite my lip before looking up into his eyes. 

I know I shouldn't be entertaining the thought of him but I can't stay away, and somehow he’s found me.

It's like he's the flame and I'm the moth being drawn in by the dangerous beauty, he clouds my mind and makes it impossible for me to think and so my body takes over.

He's smiling that arrogant "I knew I'd win" smile and it makes me hate him. 

Scowling, I shrug my shoulder at him in response.

His answer is to lean in, move his face as close to mine as he can without actually touching me

He blinds me.

All I see is him, my lips ache for him to close the gap between us, but I look around remembering where we are and know he won't, he won't admit how he really feels to himself let alone show it in front of a bunch of strangers. I can see the hesitation in his eyes, and I know I’ll never have him completely not the way I want, I’m about to step back when he does it, he holds my face in his hands, like he did on the day he first kissed me, and closes the gap, his lips meet mine in a small sweet kiss that makes my knees go weak, and then suddenly, without warning, his tongue is invading my mouth.

My tongue automatically responses to his, fighting for control, while my brain attempts to process is actually happening. We are stood in the middle of a crowded pub, surrounded by people, and it’s like he doesn't care who sees this, like he wants to get caught. My heart swells at the thought that we could actually do this, be a couple and I smile into his kiss. 

As suddenly as he kissed me he released me and my rational thought process returns. He went back to her, so what the hell is he doing?

I’m an open book when it comes to him, he can read the apprehension on my face. It’s one thing to kiss me in front of strangers, but would he do the same at The Woolie? No, and that’s were our problem lies. I make to move past him and place my glass on the bar, I have to get out of here.

He pulls me back, grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers. He guides me to a corner where no one can see and presses his lips eagerly to mine.

He takes my breath away.

I don't understand what's happening, what he's doing here, but God have I missed the feel of his lips on mine, so I can't help but kiss him back.

He moves his hands to my shoulders pinning me back. My tongue explores his mouth and he sucks it hard, never willing to give up the control.

This is another one of our problems, we both like being in control but he has this way of getting under my skin and that control that I normally have just slips away, like now for example.

My hands reach out instinctively finding his shirt, this shirt that probably cost more than I make in a week. Money means everything to him, it’s the cause of many arguments, I’ve told him a hundred times he can’t buy me and tonight to prove a point I rip the expensive shirt open, not caring how much it cost, all I want is to feel his smooth chest before I move my hands down towards his belt.

We haven't been like this for weeks, not this passionate, not this intense, there has been the odd kiss and that unforgettable time at the scrapyard but since then all we've done is fight.

Taking control once again he pushes me against the hard wall and pulls my shirt over my head. I’m biting my lip again, I hate him for this, he knows how I feel about my chest, my scars, but he doesn't seem to care. He rubs his thumbs over my erect nipples making a low moan escape my throat. Before I know it, he's on his knees kissing each of one of my scars. Now this is the man I miss, the caring loving man that only shows himself once in a while, don't get me wrong the smug, arrogant, control freak is a big turn on but this sweet side is something else entirely.

When he's kissed each scar he stands up and looks me in the eye and gives me that cocky smile, that same smile that makes me want to deck him half the time! 

How can you love someone and hate them at the same time? He makes my blood boil, and my insides turn to mush all at once. I suppose that’s love isn’t it, someone you can’t live with but can’t live without, and I’ve proved to myself over and over, no matter how hard I try, I can’t live without him.

His mouth is on mine again while his fingers brush against my hips sending tiny shivers up my spine. He finds my belt, using both hands to undo the buckle but he never breaks our kiss. He pops the button on my jeans so his hand can finally reach my cock, and I swear when he wraps his hand around me I hear him, feel him, sigh with relief, like he has needed this just as much as I have.

His mouth leaves mine to find my throat, he slowly licks and nips his way from my ear down past my Adam's apple, across to my collar bone. With the bass still pumping and the sensations he's causing it not long before I'm rock hard. 

With his hand pumping my cock, he continues to lick down my chest pausing to kiss my scars. He's trying to show me that he cares.

He's down on his knees again, like he's worshipping me, I could get used to that sight.

My cock is straining to be set free and with a hunger in his eyes he does just that, grasping me tightly with his left hand while his right is cupping my balls.

I only have a few seconds to think about the fact that my junk is now on display for the whole world to see before I give myself over to the pleasure as he takes me slowly into his mouth.

As his head bobs up and down I can feel his tongue trace every inch of my shaft. I don't know if it’s the situation or the fact that he hadn't uttered a word but I knew I wouldn't last long, I was so turned on.

His lips knew exactly how much pressure to apply and when he hits that sweet spot I can’t help whispering his,

"Robert"

Running my fingers through his blonde locks, I thrust my hips to meet his mouth and we find a rhythm that coincides with the beat of the music. He tightened his lips around me and I push further into his mouth. My breath is coming in short rasps, and I know I can’t hold on for much longer. I give his hair a little tug just to warn him but he doesn’t slow his onslaught, in fact he is sucking harder. My fingers dig into his scalp and as my hips give one final jerk before I explode into his mouth. He laps up every single drop, cleaning me with his tongue. 

I let out a whimper in ecstasy, knowing that he wants me this badly. As my breathing slows and returns to normal, he releases me from his mouth, I pull him up and all I see is lust in his eyes, lust for me and I can feel myself getting hot again. I lean in and gently place my lips upon his, I can taste myself there and I know that if I don’t break the connection we will need to go somewhere more private. When I pull away he licks his lips like he can’t get enough of me. 

He grabs my shirt from the floor and as I fix myself up I'm wondering what all that meant, what's going to happen when he leaves and what about tomorrow, am I supposed to pretend like tonight never happened?

He presses his body against mine, pushing me back into the wall, he’s so close I can feel the full length of his hardness pressing against my thigh. He plants a small kiss just below my ear and whispers,

“Am I forgiven?”


	2. The Car

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Aaron forgive Robert?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had no idea where I wanted this story to go, I still don't know if I am happy with it but its what I want to happen to the characters so I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Feedback is always welcome!

“Am I Forgiven?”

I stare into his eyes and I know I must be biting my lip because he has that lustful need in his eyes again. 

He runs his hands across my shoulders and down my arms interlocking our fingers and finds my mouth with his,

"Well?" He breathes into me.

Do I? Do I forgive him? 

The truth is I just don’t know.

After everything he's done does he deserve my forgiveness? He picked me up and used me, and I know I said I'd settle for the scraps but I thought the scraps would be…………..more.

More than a kiss here and there, more than a drunken confession, just more.

I turn my head slightly breaking the kiss, 

"Come on Aaron, don't be like that"

"What am I supposed to be like, Robert? I can’t work you out, one minute you’re all over me the next you’re fighting to get back with her."

He cringes as I mention her. 

“Why are you here Robert? You made your choice remember?” I say, unable to stop the hurt in my voice.

I move off the wall, away from him, I need to think and I can’t do that with him so close. 

“It’s not enough” he says reaching for my hand.

“Not enough?” I scoffed, remembering the last time he said those words.

The last time he said those words, he followed them with three more. Three little words that got us in this mess. And all I want is to hear those three little words again, to hear him say it and really mean it this time. I need to get out of here, my heads fucked and it doesn’t help that I can still taste him on my lips, can still feel his eyes on me.

I pull my hand away, I want a clear head and the electricity is still there, it will always be there pulling me back in.

He looks like a little lost boy when we says,

“I did what you wanted.”

“What?” 

“I kissed you, here, in front of everyone” he says pointing to the crowd still gathered listening to the band. 

“You think this is what I want?”

This man is driving me crazy! How can he think this is what I want? To be kept in a corner, like he’s ashamed of me. Oh Robert. He’s just scared and I don’t know if I’m strong enough. I don’t know if I can deal with the lies again. 

“Yes Robert you kissed me, and it was brave of you to do so, I’ll give you that, but look where we are now, hiding away again.” 

“I know I pushed you too hard, because that's what it took for me to come out, I doesn’t matter to me if you’re gay or not Robert, I just want you to be true to yourself and as much as it kills me, because yes it kills me, all I want is for you to be happy, why do you think I told Chrissie about the robbery? Yes I said it was to get you out of my way, so I didn’t have to see you every day, lost without her, you were so unhappy, I hated seeing you like that. If getting you back with her makes you happy then it was worth it.”

He was just staring at me, the words didn’t have the impact I wanted, but I knew what I was about to say would.

“And then, then there was the ’you mean nothing to me’” I whispered the final part, still feeling the pain the words inflicted, tears flowing freely down my face now.

“Aaron” he pleads, taking a step towards me.

I hold my hand up to stop him. He looks so hurt, he runs his hand over his face, a gesture his tends to do when he doesn’t know how to response.

“I know you were hurting, I know that but those words were the wakeup call I needed, that’s why I broke it off, so go home Robert, go back and to your wife and just leave me alone, I need to learn how to get over you.” 

He took another step towards me, 

“No Robert, please, please don’t touch me.”

“Can we just go somewhere?”

“What else is there to say? Just go.” 

He looks like I’ve punched him in the stomach. How can he still have such an effect on me? He looks so innocent when he’s upset. I can feel my resilience begin to slip.

“Didn’t, didn’t that mean anything to you” he says quietly, indicating what we just did.

“Of course, but I have a feeling it means more to me than it does to you.”

“Aaron please.” 

He moves towards me again and this time I let him take my hand.

“We need to talk.”

“Perhaps you should have thought of that before” I replied, cocking my head to the spot where he just made me come.

It’s there again, the electricity, I catch my breath each time he touches me, it’s like whenever I’m near him I come alive, like I’ve found the other half of me. It would be so much easier if I hated him. After everything he’s done he probably deserves it. But I can’t, I can’t hate him, yes he’s hurt me but so has everyone I’ve ever cared about. So once again he’s winning me over. When will I ever learn?

Giving in, I grunt, 

“Fine!”

So we leave the safety of the pub or should I say the semi safety as he did just accosted me in there, and head towards his car.

What have I let myself in for? It’s my own fault, I should have more willpower, should have pushed him away, but I can’t, it’s too hard. I need him just as much as he needs me.

As I climb into possibly the sexiest car on the planet, which just so happens to be Roberts car, I can’t help but notice the luggage in the back. What the heck? Has he left her? Is that why he came to find me? Is that what this is all about? I can’t help the beam that comes across my face at the thought.

He doesn’t say anything as he starts the engine.

We drive in complete silence, I have no idea where we are going, we are both being as stubborn as each other, but I’m not going to be the one that talks, he knows where I stand.

The car jerks suddenly as we pull into a layby, and I can’t help but chuckle as I realise it’s our layby, the one where we had our first kiss, where he let me beat him up because that’s what I needed, the fact that he’s stopping here I know that this is it. Whatever happens after tonight that’s it, I can’t put myself through this anymore. 

He shuts off the engine and just stares out into the darkness, his hands still clamped around the steering wheel.

He stays like that for what seems like hours, it’s starting to piss me off actually, he’s the one that wanted to talk.

That’s it, I’ve had enough, my hand starts to move towards the door handle, but he breaks the silence.

“I told her Aaron, I told her everything, and I think I broke her heart”

What?!? He told her? About us? 

The shock forces my hand to retreat, I’m stunned, I don’t know what to say so I just listen, this is what I wanted, wasn’t it? For him to be honest.

“When you told me the other day, in the pub, that it would happen again I knew you were right, but I didn’t want it to happen again, I tried Aaron I really did, I went back, played happy families but I’ve never been happy there, never fit in, the only time I’ve been happy since moving back to the village was the time we spent together.”

He says that last sentence with such feeling I can’t help the tears that form in my eyes.

He’s still staring out the window, has made no effort to look at me. I’m just looking at him my mouth wide open in utter astonishment. He actually told her. I’m surprised he’s still alive. My head is reeling; this is why he found me, to tell me he left her. 

“It’s you Aaron, it’s always been you, I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere before, never really fit in, but you made all that change. When I’m with you I feel like I can take on the world, you make me a better person. I know I can be stubborn and hot headed but you ground me. I need you Aaron and I’m scared, scared that I’ve pushed the one person who means everything to me away.”

Finally he turns to face me, tears streaming down his face.

I have no idea were all this is coming from, it’s all I’ve ever wanted him to say, but can we actually do this, be an us?

“I don’t know what or who I am, but I know that I can’t live without you”

I’m biting my lip again, not from lust this time but from nerves, he can’t live without me? Now that’s a revelation, if only he knew that that is exactly how I feel about him, why I put up with just the scraps.

Tell him, tell him, tell him. My brain is repeating the mantra over and over but I can’t seem to find the words.

“So please Aaron, please say you forgive me, and for the rest of my life I promise, I will make it up to you.”

Forgive him? Can I truly forgive this impossible, arrogant, stubborn, perfect man? The man sat next to me, looking at me with tears streaming down his face, the man that’s telling me he cannot live without me. My heart has known the answer all along. 

“Yes” I whisper.

“Now please kiss me.”

With tears falling down his cheeks he places his hands on either side of my face, with such tenderness he finds my mouth with his and I can’t hold back my own tears anymore.

Here we are, back where it all started all those months ago, and now we finally start a new chapter, together.


End file.
